When Harry met Emily
by The Chick from The FOB Songs
Summary: When just plain crazy meets random insanity, watch out Hogwarts! From unchromprehendable and pointless chapters. Chapter 11 has been deleted!
1. Harry and The Flames

**When Harry met Emily**

**AN:** This isn't my story, me and my cousin, Emily,decided that we should do this at 2:25 in the morning.

**Disclaimer**: Neither one of us is Sane OR JK Rowling

* * *

Harry woke up one morning with his scar hurting. (He had been at a gay club all last night, if you catch my drift) Just then Hermione bust into the room withthe help of A giant battery ram.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE!" screamed Harry.

"Battery ram, as you can clearly see."

"Oh, er...yah right...umm" muttered Harry, not only had he been awoken by a battery ram, but naturally slow.

Dudley ran into the room

"We had FUN last night at the 'club'"

"Er..yah" Said Harry trying to remember what he was talking about

Seeing Hermione, Dudley Screamed, "THERE'S A BITCH-I MEAN A WITCH IN THE HOUSE!" Then he jumped out a window, comitting suicide.

A random dog bit Harry's ass. "Ahh, my ass!"

"Let's go learn!" yelled Hermione as if it was better than chocolate!

" How ' bout we fix myass!"

Emily magically appeared and healed Harry's wounded ass.

"My butt's fixed!"

Emily then changed the background to Hogwarts.

"YAY LEARNING!" screamed Hermione.

Ron was stuffing his adorable little red-head face with chocolate. Seeing Hermione he dropped the chocolate and jumped her.

"Oh my GOD! That feels good, ohhh yahh,"

Then BoBo, the adorable puppy with freakishly large eyes that Emily owned, jumped out of no where with a saxaphone and played.

Draco, appearingout of nowhere also, with an elephant gun.and shot BoBo.

Then Emily grabbed the gun and shot him.

O my god, I'm so rich & dead!" yelled Draco as he gave his money to Harry Hermione & RON!(Yes I know I have an obsession.)

They then screwed all the money on drugs got high, Hermione banged with both of her "boyfriends," she banged harder and longer with RON! Then Jo and Emi set her on fire.

"OH MY GOD! I'M BURNING!"

Jo looked at Emi, they nodded, then the whole damn school burst in to flames. Harry and Ron were too busy banging with a flaming Hermione to notice.

The Damn Happy End!

Mousey loves you! R&R!


	2. The Screwed Enchanted forest w rabid uni...

When Harry met Emily

* * *

AN: We's still crazy... 

Disclaimer:...but still not JKRowling!

* * *

Harry suddenly found himself waking up in a screwed enchanted forest. Just then an ugly rabid unicorn ran by(randomness! YAY!) 

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D WE GET HERE!" shouted the adorable red-head. Emi smote Jo, for having to emphasise on his cuteness.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D **_YOU_** GET HERE!" yelled Harry at RONNIE! Emi smacked Jo, her head hit the moniter.

* * *

Emi apologises for her cousin's obsession, and Ron will not be referred to as "RONNIE!" for the rest of the story.

* * *

The rabid unicorn bit Hermione, who was sleeping naked next to Ron. 

Sirius showed up and killed them all, but Harry was too stupid to die, Ron was too cute to die, Hermione was too Ron's girlfriend to die. But died anyway, after Emi smacked Jo. The Dementeds-Emi smote Jo, again-Dementors came and took Sirius away to Azkaban, AGAIN. How the hell he got out, again, is a mystery, but it concerns toothpicks, BoBo, and pink, party dresses.

MOUSEY STILL LOVES YOU!

Harry yelled, "Who the hell's Mousey!"

"You're dead! So go be dead!" said Emi.

"Fine, be that way!" screamed Harry

Before we leave, the rabid unicorn's name was Moe. Just thought you should know.

**The End**

**until the next end...**


	3. Dreams and Debi!

AN: all hope 4 Sanity abandoned us.

Disclaimer: I don't think we've turned Joanne Kathleen Rowling, yet.

* * *

Harry woke up one morning, he was being taken away by Jo, Emi was getting the boiling pot ready. 

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D I GET HERE!" Harry yelled.

Jo put him down. "Meet Wanda, the satanic house elf!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I will kill you and drink your blood unless you sell me your soul!"

"That's enough Wanda," said Emily, "Drop him in the pot!"

Jo dropped him. Harry fell.

* * *

Emi smote Jo so hard her Insanity went Insane. They decided they couldn't kill him, yet.

* * *

Harry woke up, all sweaty, he saw Hermione and Ron naked together, in bed, _his_ bed. He went blind. He wandered out a window, and fell.

* * *

Emi smote Jo so hard her Insane Insanity went Insane. They decided they couldn't kill him, yet.

* * *

Harry woke up so sweaty, Ron was wearing a mask and had a chainsaw.

"It's just Ron."

"Ron" took the mask off. It was Moe the Rabid Unicorn! But wait, "Moe" pulled his mask off. It was Wanda! But, "Wanda" pulled her mask off, it was Hermione. It went Hermione to Draco to Dumbledore to Jo to Emi to BoBo to McGonnagol to Lupin to Voldemort to Zach Grumski to David Bryant to Cho Chang to Ginny to Fred/George(Harry couldn't tell the difference) to Moody to Moe, again(?) to Harry(?) to Luna.

He started making out with Luna. "Luna" took her mask off to reaveal Professor Snape, bio/gayfer that taught Potions at Hogwarts. Harry ran away. Once he was gone "Snape" took of HIS mask to reveal...

...DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH...

* * *

Emi: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH!

* * *

**!DEBI!**

Then, Jo went pyro and set the School on fire, again.

MOUSEY LOVE YOU MORE THAN CHOCOLATE!

* * *

My partner is gone now I can RONNItize YOU! 

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! HERMIONE &RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! LupinRONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! LunaRONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! Draco. RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! harry. RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE! RONNIE!

are you RONNItized yet?


	4. Sex Slaves

AN: I'm very very very sorry for this next chapter. It will be difrant mainly Emi went back 2 her real home, I'm not writing this a three in the morning, only 10:30 at night.

AR: I Wants REVIEWS!

* * *

I'm a Sex Slave?

* * *

Harry woke up one afternoon tied up in the back Pr Snape's classroom. 

Apparantly Pr Snape forgot Harry was dating Looney Binn Lovegoooood

* * *

Emi's "My-Partner-in-Evil-is-Ruining-my-Story" senses were tingling like a little boy after winning a watermelon eating contest. Sssssssssssso, she got out of bed and rode her bike 3 miles to Jo's house and smote her. And told her no insulting Luna. no matter how easy the crack is.

* * *

Soooo, anyway... 

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D I GET IN HERE?" Harry yelled as Pr Snape, the gayfer, did a seductive walk into the room.

'Helloo...Harry..my boy toy...how's my sex slave?"

"I'm a sex slave?"

"I took you as a slave. You're a slave...I want sex...it all works out to evryones happiness."

"Except mine!" yelled Luna with a giant battery ram. "I want my Hare-Bear!"

"Sex Monkey!" exclaimed Harry. and Luna Gave him the _LOOK. _Luna left in a huff. And Harry was dispairing.

"Yippppeeee!" said Snape now alone with his Harry...and it got dark.

* * *

My Partner assures me if I don't take-out the following part must rate this M. 

But i took it out...

Now what am I gonna do with Snape's black leather dress and sparkely pink bra?

* * *

After a wild night the two woke up to Jo standing above them. She was in her "my-arms-are-crossed-and-my-foot-is-tapping-and-you-_**will**_-explain-this" look. 

"Uh...Happy Make Harry Potter Your Sex Slave Day?" said Snape...and I kept tapping that foot.

"Uh...we used condoms?" said Harry...and my arm stayed stiff.

"We were about to bring you your chocolate milk and donuts when you walked in?" said Luna who popped out of nowhere.

"That's better...you two be good." Jo said.

Wanda the Satanic House-Elf appeared and ate all the teachers in the room. Luna ate all the house elves. Ron ate all the Ravenclaws. Draco ate all the Cute Red Heads. Hermione ate all the purebloods. BoBo ate all the smart people. Moe ate all the dogs. Mousey ate all the rabid unicorns. And Jo ate Mousey. Jo reached deep in her stomach and found Ron and did about the same thing Snape did to Harry last night...

except Snape ain't a gal...Jo is. And Harry pervertedly watched and videotaped it. Then Ron, Jo and possibly Ron Jr ate donuts

* * *

Might be the sickest thing ever. I know I have issues. 


	5. Musical

OKAY I'm Katie! AND GUESS WHAT! I'M NOT JK ROWLING! SO I OWN ZIP!

JO's on maternity leave, because of the last chapter, and Emi's bustin' out of the Nut House!

So I will Do a Musical Number W/ the characters:

* * *

Song: I Can See Clearly Now Lyrics 

Harry, taking off his glasses:

I can see clearly now, Crazy's gone  
I can see all obstacles in my way  
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind  
It's gonna be a bright (Luna: bright), bright (Luna: bright)  
Both: Sun shiny day

Ron with casts on:

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone  
All of the bad authors have disappeared  
Here is the break I've been prayin' for  
It's gonna be a bright (Hermione: bright), bright (Hermione: bright)  
Both: Sun shiny day

Snape chasing Draco and Harry:

Look all around, there's nothin' but cute guys  
Look straight ahead, nothin' but cute guys

Harry: I can see clearly now, the Crazy's gone  
Ron: All of the bad authors have disappeared  
Draco: Gone are the authors that had me bound  
Moe: It's gonna be a bright (Hermione:bright), bright (Luna: bright)  
Sun shiny day

* * *

**Stop Draggin my Heart Around.**

By Luna:

Harry, you come knocking on my front door  
Same old line you used to use before  
I said ya..."well...  
what am I supposed to do  
I didn't know what Snape was gonna do.."

So you've had a little fun with him  
But my head "light" isn't dim  
Stop draggin' him...  
Stop draggin' him...  
Stop draggin' That Snape around

It's hard to think about what you've done  
It's hard to think about what you've lost  
This doesn't have to be the big get condoms  
This doesn't have to be anything at all

I know you really want to tell him good-bye  
I know you really want to be your own girl

Harry, you could never look me in the eye  
Yeah you did it with a male teacher  
Stop draggin' him...  
Stop draggin' him...  
Stop draggin' That Snape around

There's teachers running 'round loose in the world  
Ain't got nothing better to do  
Than make a meal of some not-bright mind kid  
You need someone looking after you

I know you really want to tell Snape good-bye  
I know you really want to be your own girl

Harry, you could never look me in the eye  
Yeah you did it with a male teacher  
Stop draggin' him...  
Stop draggin' him...  
Stop draggin' Pr. Snape around

* * *

People are Strange 

By The Wrongnamers

Seamus Uh..What's his face:

People are strange when you're a stranger  
Faces look ugly when you're alone  
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted  
Streets are uneven when you're down

Draco Mouthboy:

When you're strange  
Faces come out of the rain  
When you're strange  
No one remembers your name  
When you're strange  
When you're strange  
When you're strange

Neville Bigbottom

People are strange when you're a stranger  
Faces look ugly when you're alone  
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted  
Streets are uneven when you're down

When you're strange  
Faces come out of the rain  
When you're strange  
No one remembers your name  
When you're strange  
When you're strange  
When you're strange

Draco & Seamus:

When you're strange  
Faces come out of the rain  
When you're strange  
No one remembers your name  
When you're strange  
When you're strange  
When you're strange

* * *

And for are finale! 

**Simple Plan - Crazy**

Sorry Simple Plan can't make it...Due to the fact we don't have the budget.

So instead...

**Easy Idea - Insane**

Harry:

Tell me what's wrong with this society  
When everywhere I look, I see  
Young girls dying to write weird things  
They won't stop till they've killed me. 

Ron:

Plastic surgery,  
Computer animations in horror scenes  
Telling them how I should be  
It doesn't make sense to me.

Both:

Why is my author crazy?  
Is anybody gonna save me?  
Can anybody tell me what's going on?  
Tell me what's going on?  
If you open your eyes,  
You'll see that something is wrong.

Ron:

I guess things are not how they used to be  
There's no more normal things  
Author act like enemies  
Making characters feel like it's World War III

Harry:

No one cares, no one's there  
I guess we're all just too damn busy  
And reviews are our first priority  
It doesn't make sense to me

Both:

Why's my writer crazy?  
Is anybody gonna save me?  
Can anybody tell me what's going on?  
Tell me what's going on?  
If you open your eyes  
You'll see that something is wrong

Hermione:

Are all the authors crazy?  
Are all the authors crazy?

Harry:

Tell me what's wrong with this society  
When everywhere I look I see  
Writers writing 'bout big SUVs  
While they're driving over me

Ron:

No one cares  
that are author's brain ain't there!  
I guess our life's unfair!

All:

Is everybody going crazy?  
Is anybody gonna save me?  
Can anybody tell me what's going on?  
Tell me what's going on?  
If you open your eyes  
You'll see that something, something's really wrong

Just Ron & Hermione:

Is everybody's author crazy?  
Can anybody tell me what's going on?  
Tell me what's going on?  
If you open your eyes  
You'll see that something is wro-

"WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON IN HERE!"

Jo walks in, carrying Eli & Joseph.

"hey, boys!" says their father, Ronald.

"Is this song about me." Jo says her eyes flashing that "watch-what-you-say-or-your-sons-will-learn-a-couple-new-words" look.

"NOOO! It's about Emily...yah."

"The Emily your child's named after..."

"noo...a diffrent one..uh, how 'bout you go back to your office and I'll bring you some chocolate cake? 'k?"

"Fine," said Jo, "Harry better erase that tape. Or ELSE!"

* * *

MOUSEY LOVE YOU LOTS!

R&R!


	6. Lavender must be Tortured

Finished Reading HBP

* * *

Ch 6: Lavender Brown must be tortured

* * *

Harry Potter woke up. Lavender was trying to screw a sleeping Ron. Ron woke up.

"HOW THE BLOODIED HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE?" Won-Won screamed, "I dumped you! I'm screwing Hermione, now!"

Jo appeared and shot Lavender.

Emi, who's a closet HP fan due to parents and hasn't read the HBP, appeared and was shocked. "Why'd you do that?"

Jo explained to Emi about Lavender/Ron.

Emi made Lavender alive again and made a random A-Bomb hit her.

Jo made Lavender alive again and made a random H-Bomb hit her.

Emi made Lavender alive again and had fifty elephants run over her.

Jo, getting annoyed, made Lavender alive again and dropped her in a swirling vortex of doom.

Emi, getting jealous, made Lavender alive again and had atank shoot her in the head and her body got ran over.

Jo, getting competitive, made Lavender alive again and chopped off her arm and let her bleed to death.

Emi, getting competitive, made Lavender alive again and made her watch a movie that had on it every time Hermione and Ron had a "moment." Lavender eventually died.

Ron and Hermione screwed. Then, Snape shot Draco. Moe shot Snape. Moe bit Harry's ass. Harry's rabid butt ate Lavender. Lavender screamed for Ron. Ron couldn't here her over Hermione's screams of passion.

Then, Emi pushed the random blow-up the world button.

* * *

Mousey Love you! 


	7. ZEEKY BOOGEY DOOGs!

**AN: **we're back at three o'clock

**D/C:** We still don't even own our sanity

* * *

Harry Potter & The Angry Emi

(Guess what happens in this chapter!)

* * *

Harry woke up to Emi, who was not happy. She is also editing my writing as I type.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE?" Harry yelled, shocked to see this insane-asylum fugitive, possibly armed and definately dangerous,in the Gryffindor boy's dormitory.

"I am The Evil Editor From Beyond The Grave! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Emi laughed maniacally, & completely ignoring his question. Then, for no apparent reason, she offered him a beer.

"You have serious issues!"he said, obviouslydisturbed,rubbing his eyes.

"Yes, I do have 'Sirius' issues!" said Emi, as she mumbled about JKRowling being an evil git for killing Sirius. She flippedHarry off and vanished.

"That was incredibly random andpointless."Harry said.

Sirius suddenly appeared.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" yelled Harry joyfully as he jumped up & down on his bed.

"ZEEKY BOOGEY DOOG!" Sirius randomly screeched and the whole world blew up. BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

"Hi!"said David. (He was some boy in my(Emi's) scienceclass in 6th grade.)

"CHOCOLATE FOR EVERYONE" The Pizza Man shouted as he killed the one with the evidence, of what, were not exactly sure yet.

Hermione ran in and screeched, "ZEEKY BOOGEY DOO-"

"NOOOOOOOOOO(breath)OOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ron yelled as he appeared and jumped to kiss Hermionebefore she could say "ZEEKY BOOGEY DOOG!"

Ooops.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

* * *

Moe, the rabid unicorn, used his "SPECIAL" powers to make everything back to "NORMAL."

* * *

Harry woke up wearing a pink mini-skirt and had...boobs?

"AHHHHH!" Harryscreamed as he looked inaconveniently placedmirror to find that he and Hermione had switched bodies!

He was atThe Burrow.

"OH, CRAP! RON'S GONNA THINK I'M HERMIONE!and then he's gonna..." Harry couldn't find the voice to say what he feared.

"Oh, maybe they still haven't given in! Oh, wait, then why have they made out in the past six chapters." Then Harry got the bright idea to touch himself, errr, Hermione's body.

Then Jo shot the computer because the voices told her to.

To be continued. (After Jo's no longer grounded.)


	8. God Help Us ALL!

**AN: **I have reviews! YAY!

**D/C:** I own nothin'. No HP, no Holes, no Spongebob Gaypants, no Sanity, no anythin else you can't think of.

**

* * *

**

**Another Pointless chapter! YAYY!

* * *

**

Hermione/Harry woke up, Ron was in Hermione's room.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE?":

Ronnie, my love...(Jo slapped herself), smiled in a mischievious way.

Just then Jo's friend Paige, nicknamed Evil(The only reason she's in the story),came in and saved Harry from being scarred for life.

"GET A ROOM!" Evil yelled and exploded. Ron went blind by the inchomprehensible insanity. Then Moe used his "special" powers to make Evil, well...uh...errr...un-exploded.

"FOOL! DIE BY THE POWERS OF CUTE AND CUDDLEY!" Evil screeched, grabbing a knife. She lunged for Moe.

"Noooo!" yelled Harmione, "He's the only way I can be Harry again!"

"HUH?" asked blinded Ron, Paige, Hector Zeroni and David from the last chapter.

"This is screwed!" Evil yelled & killed Moe.

"NOooooOOOOoooooOOOOOoooo!" Herry screeched.

"what's wrong Hunny Bunchkins?"

"HELP ME!"

"I can fix that," Ron got closer. SpongeBob GayPants ran into the room, &screwed Patrick.

"Huh I'm sorry Jo! Ron I'm breaking up with you!"

"NOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ron burst into tears.

"Ahh this is so screwed!" Evil screamed. She kicked QueerPants down the stairs. She pulled out The Nicranomadom.

"Clactus Virata NICTU!" Ash yelled.

"BY THE POWERS OF CUTE AND CUDDLEY! I shall make this non F-up!" Evil screamed...

PooF!

Harry woke up...

Bang! Gunfire in the background.

Jo can no longer finish this chapter. Due to the cops outside her room. So

The End(For now)


	9. Ron and Jo's breakup

**When Harry met Emily**

**AN:** this is the 1st chapter since i've discovered Lord of the Rings.

**Disclaimer**: I own...nothingness!

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**>:) mwahahaha**

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"Ron" Jo asked waking Ron up 

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE!" screamed Ron.

"I'm taking one of your sons and leaving," Jo said.

"Thank GOD!" Ron said pulling the covers over his head, "Now it'll be just one crazy author."

"Actually," Jo said, "I'll still torture you. But I can't sleep with you anymore."

"THANK the Lord!" Ron said, "I was tired of explaining to 'Mione."

"Funny you said 'LORD' because..." Jo said, "His name's Pippin. He's in LotR."

"Oh REALLY, you're leaving me for a hobbit?" Ron screamed.

"Yepp."

"Oh well." Ron said, "Goodbye."

"From now on our relation is proffessional."

"Shit."

"ISN'T IT GREAT? NOW I CAN HURT YOU JUST AS MUCH AS THE REST!"

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The Happy End! 

Mousey loves you! R&R!


	10. Jo's love life

**AN:** This was written on Jan 19. 2 months afterI found out about Pippin. This story chapter really doesn't fit in with the others but you'll see it in the end.

**_DC_:** Own nothing, nothing at all

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**The one with all the cheating**

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"I'm telling you 'No!' Why because we aren't seeing each other any more! Well your response was 'thank GOD!' I can't use my authoring-WELL UP YOURS TOO!" Jo hung up the phone. 

"SUPRISE! Happy 2 Month Anniversary!" yelled Pippin from behind her.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE!" Jo screamed.

"Who was that?" Pippin asked completely avoiding the question.

"Emi,"

"Why'd you tell Emi 'up yours?'" Pippin asked.

"Ready toget lunch?" Jo asked

"sure."

'_Wow! he is oblivious to everything_!' Jo thought

Some one knocked on the door.

"I'll get it!" Jo said, "you wait on the couch."

"Okay sweetie." Pippin said sitting down.

Jo opened the door. A young man about in his early 20's wearing a blue 1930's taxi driver hat stood in front of her.

"Jimmy!" Jo screamed and hugged the boy, "you're back. I've missed you."

"I tell you Skull Island is really screwed up." Jimmy said.

"I bet it was, honey," Jo finally stopped hugging Jimmy,

"Honey," Pippin said with a fake grin plastered on his face, "Who the hell is this?"

"Umm, well if i was a guy and you two were both girls. He's the mistress." Jo explained.

"Hi you must be Pippin." Jimmy said bending down to shake Pippin's hand.

"Don't mock my HEIGHT! and you KNEW ABOUT ME!" Pippin screamed.

"Pippin, I can explain. He was going off to and...He was destined to die...One night and broke it off! Well not that it. That _it_ still fully functional. But relationship it."

"Why is he here now?"

"Hey I don't know what I do now!" Jimmy said. "The movie failed to mention what happens to me next!"

"My movie did that too," Pippin said, "my last words were 'hi!'"

"Mine was "Aaaaugh!" Jimmy said.

"Who was your director?"

"Peter Jackson."

"Me too."

Some one knocked on the door again.

"I'll get it!" Jo said, "you two wait on the couch."

"Okay sweetie." Pippin and Jimmy said sitting down.

Jo opened the door. A man about in his late 20's with writing on his hand and what looked like dyed blonde hair stood in front of her.

"Dominic!"

"Hey Jo. Wait that's the words to a song about killing your wife..." hepaused and when no one laughed, he made a face that said, 'tough crowd.' He walked in and Jo closed the door.

"And this is?" Pippin asked. Jimmy was reading a book and paying no attenton to this conversation.

"The other mistress," Jo mumbled.

"Well that makes me feel manly!" Dom said, "Don't worry Pipp. Nothing ever happened between us. EVER!" Dom gave Jo a "_it-was-an-alcohol-fueled-act-of-stupidity-that-will-NOT-happen-again-because-what-happens-in-Vegas-will-forever-STAY-in-Vegas_" look. Pippin didn't get this so he just took his word.

"Anyways, I'm just here to tell Jo that the _LOST _writers want her to give back the Virgin Mary statue, and that it DOES NOT have actual drugsin it."

"Dammit can't you just let me think what I want to think," Jo complained.

"Well that explains a lot." Pippin said.

"well can I have it back?" Dom asked.

"fine." Jo moaned.

Jo went diving through the VERY messy closet and came back with a Mary statue in hand.

"Here," Jo said.

Somebody knocked on the door, right before Jo gave Dom the statue.

"I'll get it!" Jo said, "you three wait on the couch."

"Okay." Dom said sitting down.

Jo opened the door. A man about in his late 20's who looked a hell whole lot like Dom, with a heroin problem and a guitar case stood in front of her.

"Charlie! You got off the island," Jo yelled.

"Well not really, but...dammit! I don't care what Claire says! Gimme My HEROIN!" Charlie yelled stealing the statue.

"Now, I'll be chasing my alter-ego down! Wow, never thought I'd say that!" Dom yelled, "Bye Jo!"

Dom ran out chasing Charlie.

"Run, Charlie, RUN!" Jo chuckled and she shut the door.

"Jo, why?" Pippin asked

"I don't know...I blame SOCIETY! and the GOVERNMENT!" Jo yelled, she sighed and sat down next to Jimmy who looked up from the book, "Jimmy, your gonna have to leave. Pipp and I, we're going through a tough spot now, and it'd be best if you left." She ran her fingers through his hair.

"JO!" Pippin screamed.

"WHAT? he deserves a proper break up!" Jo convinced.

"Fine."

"Jo, it's okay. I kinda got a crush on a girl." Jimmy said, Jo's eyes got wide and she said in a high-piched squeeky voice, "Oh, really?"

"Yah, Anne Darrow." Jimmy admitted. Jo let out a sigh of relief and burst out in laughter. Jimmy felt insulted, "What's so funny?"

"Jimmy, sweetie, you have two rivals!" Jo laughed hysterically, "I mean I believe you can kick that Jack's ass anytime you want. But King Kong? Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!" Jimmy wore a look of confusion on his face.

"HUH?" Jimmy asked, "King Kong's dead!" Jo stopped laughing.

"He is?" Jo asked, "Pippin, you saw the movie with me, when did happen?"

"At the end, in New York," Pippin said.

"They went back to New York? No wonder I don't remember, I didn't see the end." Jo said simpley.

"What, you didn't watch the end?" Jimmy asked.

"No, because you weren't in it," Jo said, "Anyway if Kong is dead, then go for her. Jimmy, I wanna see you happy, but if you stay waiting for me, you'll get your heart broken. See I love Pippin." She stood up and Pipp put her arm around her, "and I want you to have this too, but it can't be with me."

"Thanks," Jimmy said. He stood up, put on his hat, and picked up his book, "I won't forget you Jo."

"No one who meets me does," Jo smiled. She hugged Jimmy, and he kissed her on the cheek.

"G'Bye," he said as she stopped hugging him.

"Good luck with Anne." Pippin said.

"Yah, Bye Jimmy." Jo said, "and when you punch Jack, can you give one from me?"

"Sure." Jimmy said and he left.

"He's gone," Jo said, almost crying.

"Wow, Jo, I've never seen you like this," Pippin said as they sat down. He stroked her blond hair.

"Like what?" Jo asked.

"Serious, or sad, or mature" Pippin said,

"Mature?"

"It was really mature of you to say that. You're growing up," Pippin said, Jo smiled, "I knew I could get you to smile."

"You still want that dinner?" Jo asked.

"It's me, I'll always want food," Pippin smiled, "Just first, is their anyone else?"

Some one knocked on the door.

"I'll get it," Jo said wiping away the tears.

"JO! What the hell are your clothes Doing in Ron's room!" Hermione Granger screamed.

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"So I'll have the steak medium rare with the mushroom soup," Pippin said giving the water the menu. 

"Okay," said the waiter.

An Italian man, sitting at the table of seven next to them, looked at Jo. Seeing Pippin, he looked away. Then for some reason, as if he remembered her, he looked at Jo again.

"Jo?" He asked. Jo looked up.

"TRIBIANNI? Oh, my God! It's you!" She hugged him. "Pippin this is Joey Tribbianni. Joey this is my boyfriend, Pippin. Pippin this is my ex, Joey."

"Man are you lucky! This girl's so good in bed, I actually called her back!" Joey said excited.

Pippin sighed and Jo said, "Don't worry we broke up wa-ay before I met you."

"Why?" Pippin asked.

"He cheated on me." Jo smiled and her smile slowly left her face, "You are wa-ay more forgiving than me, please don't break up with me!"

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END! 


End file.
